Chat Room Chatter

I'm no sexual deviant. I'm not some type of hopeless molester. I've never engaged in illegal tickling of any sort. But here we are in modern times, with modern loins and modern gadgets and so, inevitably I built myself an online sex account. Don't judge. You'd be surprised how remarkably drab online sex has become. Sometimes I blame myself. I don't even show my tender manbush. But that sure as heck doesn't stop me from having a good old fashioned sexy time or two. I like to keep it fresh. I like to keep everyone on their horny little toes. For example, this actual dialogue took place...

ZACKATTACK: Hey, you lookin'?

SQUIDGE: Lookin' for what?

ZACKATTACK: Lookin' for sex.

SQUIDGE: I'm on an online sex hook up site that you just got ahold of me on...so...

ZACKATTACK: So...?

SQUIDGE: So...probably yes, maybe no...

ZACKATTACK: I like your prayer beads!

SQUIDGE: Thanks! I sure do need them!

ZACKATTACK: U need what?

SQUIDGE: Your adult molars. All of them.

ZACKATTACK: Ok.

SQUIDGE: Great. I will be there to pick them up in nine minutes, riding nine magical donkeys.

ZACKATTACK: There's only parking for six.

SQUIDGE: My donkeys hover.

ZACKATTACK:...restricted air space.

SQUIDGE: I constrict my donkeys air space constantly (I love choking!) and I've never gotten one ticket in my entire life!

ZACKATTACK: See it's only restricted on Thursday's in Guam.

SQUIDGE: Guam. That's my favorite kind of jelly.

ZACKATTACK: Long johns.

SQUIDGE: Bumblebee sauce.

ZACKATTACK: Grasshopper tincture.

SQUIDGE: Cadburry egg boots.

ZACKATTACK: Fucking christ...