BLOG ON BLOG ACTION!! Public masterbation makes a comeback.

While I find it distasteful to speak gratuitously of myself in an effort to promote a personal agenda, I do believe it is okay to shamelessly guide those dear to me headlong into genius bits of energy and thought I've dedicated myself to. Which is why I have no qualms mentioning that my own blog made me laugh today. In most cases, blogging about your own blog is about as classy as masterbating in front of your grandma, but sometimes it must be done. In an effort to update my joke-ish ramblings I google searched my blog signifier, SQUIDEGEMAKESFUDGE and was pretty happy to see that my own blog/name/phrase was the top recommended site for that search. I was proud. I felt glad. It was like having a famous baby. Until I realized that I wasn't REALLY the top recommended site. My blog was in fact, 1st runner up. The top recommended site was, did you really mean: Fudge Recipes-get ready for the holidays. I detest American fudge worthy holidays and the idiots at google who refuse to acknowledge that people are ravenously searching for my site, possibly after gnawing through a few bricks of hand packed makinaw island gold. As if somehow I mistakenly typed the word 'squidge' in front of my query? Perhaps a kitten had wandered across my keyboard and I simply didn't have the energy to tap the backspace button a few times? Perhaps I'm some obese agoraphobic hermit in the mood for a fudge binge who hates leavin' my cabin? Nope. I was just squidgin' out with myself. Thankfully grandma didn't walk in on me.

Chat Room Chatter

I'm no sexual deviant. I'm not some type of hopeless molester. I've never engaged in illegal tickling of any sort. But here we are in modern times, with modern loins and modern gadgets and so, inevitably I built myself an online sex account. Don't judge. You'd be surprised how remarkably drab online sex has become. Sometimes I blame myself. I don't even show my tender manbush. But that sure as heck doesn't stop me from having a good old fashioned sexy time or two. I like to keep it fresh. I like to keep everyone on their horny little toes. For example, this actual dialogue took place...

ZACKATTACK: Hey, you lookin'?

SQUIDGE: Lookin' for what?

ZACKATTACK: Lookin' for sex.

SQUIDGE: I'm on an online sex hook up site that you just got ahold of me on...so...

ZACKATTACK: So...?

SQUIDGE: So...probably yes, maybe no...

ZACKATTACK: I like your prayer beads!

SQUIDGE: Thanks! I sure do need them!

ZACKATTACK: U need what?

SQUIDGE: Your adult molars. All of them.

ZACKATTACK: Ok.

SQUIDGE: Great. I will be there to pick them up in nine minutes, riding nine magical donkeys.

ZACKATTACK: There's only parking for six.

SQUIDGE: My donkeys hover.

ZACKATTACK:...restricted air space.

SQUIDGE: I constrict my donkeys air space constantly (I love choking!) and I've never gotten one ticket in my entire life!

ZACKATTACK: See it's only restricted on Thursday's in Guam.

SQUIDGE: Guam. That's my favorite kind of jelly.

ZACKATTACK: Long johns.

SQUIDGE: Bumblebee sauce.

ZACKATTACK: Grasshopper tincture.

SQUIDGE: Cadburry egg boots.

ZACKATTACK: Fucking christ...